Friday, July 9, 2010
2 Years On and Still The Perfect Marriage (for us)
"What real lovers are really craving for is to become really one, soul and body, with their other half. But if we fail in piety, we are in danger of being quartered instead." - Plato through Aristophanes in "The Symposium."
Monday is Janessa and I's second wedding anniversary; our marriage gets sweeter by the hour. I have often heard people say "just wait" and "you'll hit a wall" but those are the same people who say "marriage changes everything" and "she will turn into a different person after the wedding," none of which has happened - even remotely. In any case, with the disclaimer that we've only been married two years (but together much longer), I thought it appropriate to write about some of the reasons we have the perfect relationship (for us).
First, and fundamental is TRUST. This may sound like a cliche, but trust, in addition to passion, obviously, constitute the foundation of our marriage. Janessa and I have the most open, honest relationship I've ever had - not just in a romantic relationship, but in any relationship. We can say anything we feel to each other.
This does NOT mean that we tell each other everything; merely that we have no secrets from each other. What do I mean? We both love and know each other enough to know that we don't need to talk about all aspects of our lives. Sometimes things are better left unsaid. Emotional honesty and love guide our connection.
There is more. Another component of trust is mutual respect for the other's autonomy. This is HUGE for us; I can't imagine a successful relationship without it. Here's what I mean - Janessa and I have plenty in common. We are both foodies, love cinema and art, relish travel and relaxation and get boundless joy from our cats. But we also have separate interests. I am passionate about coffee. I love poker, video games and basketball. I spin records and have started producing music again. Janessa has her crafts and sewing. She is passionate about design, loves to cook and bake, and is crazy for animation. So we spend a healthy amount of time apart.
In all the time we've been together, I don't remember Janessa ever demanding I call her or account for my whereabouts. Of course I call sometimes, anyway, especially when traveling apart, but the point is Janessa trusts me and I trust her. Heck, she hardly ever calls or emails me when we're not together unless it's for something functional, like planning things to do together or shopping or other such things. I'm never looking over my shoulder, never asking for permission to do anything. And I share with her reciprocal trust and respect.
Make no mistake, I care deeply about what Janessa thinks and feels. I often ask her advice about parts of my life she'd never know about (or probably care about otherwise). When I have plans with Janessa, there is an implied understanding that we will not break our plans without talking about it or disrespect each other in anyway. It's just that Janessa and I trust each other enough not to need to check in with each other every other minute. We both love having our own interests and neither of us would feel complete if we didn't retain and nurture those interests. We both believe that a function of a good relationship of any kind is to support each other and respect each other's need for individuality and expression.
Of course it's not all about serious, weighty stuff. People say "opposites attract" but I think that's not quite right, or at least "opposites attract but don't usually stay together" is more accurate. I think the best relationships are where people complement each other and fit together, Venn Diagram style.
So it's fabulous that Janessa and I share the same sense of humor and make each other laugh all the time. I don't know that a great sense of humor is really what women are looking for, but without one, I don't know how a relationship can stay strong. Janessa and I both have a taste for the silly and profane, though, naturally, my taste tends a bit more to the slapstick than hers. I always loved the gag-a-minute stuff like Airplane and the Naked Gun, her not so much. But we both love love love Arrested Development, Adam West, John Waters flicks, Steven Colbert and Maria Bamford, to name a few. We also share a love of the absurd and arty that makes us crazy for Tim and Eric, Food Party, David Lynch and Satoshi Kon and others. We have great conversations about food, art, and all the best parts of life, enriching each other and the experiences we share simultaneously. What could be better?
Janessa and I have a lot of fun together when spend time with each other. There's lots of laughter, lots of joy, crazy chemistry and a shared passion for living and experience that means we never get tired of each other and, I have a deep faith that we never will.
I shouldn't leave out that Janessa and I are, at our core, skeptical, analytical folk. When we were watching TV near the beginning of our relationship and an ad for a Romantic Comedy flick appeared, Janessa made a sour face and expressed her distaste for the genre. When I heard that I nearly proposed on the spot! Neither of us are sappy by nature or harbor hackneyed ideals like "true love" or "destiny."
Even though I don't believe in these ideals, I understand where they come from. I fit together with Janessa in such a way that it does feel magical and fated. I love Janessa unconditionally, with everything that I am. I have never felt like I do when I am with her - the best feeling I've ever had. I am stronger for being with her, centered, calm, and able to fully be myself without doubt or insecurity.
This love hasn't faded with time, it's continually gotten stronger. Our honesty, trust, passion, laughter, and most of all love, sustain us and make our marriage thrive. I can't imagine being with anyone else and being happy and hope I never have to try.
I love you, sweetie.
Happy Anniversary.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Vegas Trip Report
It's tough to imagine writing a Vegas trip report sooner than a week after. It sorta takes that long to get back into the groove of things.
This particular trip was a mixed bag. The poker didn't go too well. At all. But, the wife came, and we managed to have a really fun time in Vegas anyhow.
We flew out late Thursday night. Stayed at Gold Coast, which is right across the street from the Rio where WSOP is - only cheaper than Rio, and, in my opinion, nicer. Rio is so overwhelming. Not the WSOP part of it, which is great, but the regular hotel with the flippin flying boat shit. Everytime the wife and I went to our room last year we had to walk through this, it was like Mardi Gras Uber Light now with Added Frat Guys. Loud, smokey and generally unpleasant once you are over 22. Also the beds sucked and the rooms weren't really anything special.
Anyway, Gold Coast was cool. I was playing in a $1,500 no limit WSOP event on Friday at noon, so went over to Rio, had a good breakfast and played a bit. Unfortunately, it was just one of those days where I wasn't getting cards and good situations at identical times, if that makes sense. I got whittled down from 5k to about 3500 by the end of the first two hours. Nothing special, won a few small pots, lost a couple of medium ones, but really not finding any spots.
I get back and the very first hand I look down and see pocket 7s. I'm in the cutoff and haven't seen a pair yet so this looks great. We're at 75/150, so I make it 450 to go. It folds around to the small blind who tanks for about a minute then puts me in. Well. I still have 3k and I don't think this is a great spot to get my money in. So I fold after pretending to think about it for about 30 seconds.
Two hands later, I look down and see Queens. A sight for sore eyes, indeed. So the exact same thing happens. I make it 450 and the guy now in the small blind 3bets to 2200 or so. At this point I've got about 2500 left so it's stack decision time. I really don't see how I can fold queens with so much in the middle and my current stack. So I call. I mean to put the rest in but call by mistake. The guy says "that's ok I'll just put the rest in in the dark," which is NOT what you want to hear. The flop came 10 high or something with rags and looked good. Of course he had KK and I didn't improve, tournament over. So that kinda sucked.
I was a bit dejected when I left. It's funny, I walked right by Scotty Nguyen taking a picture with some girls and then not twenty feet later saw Chris Ferguson hurridly go by me to wherever Chris Ferguson goes at a time like this, but I didn't feel excited just annoyed. Seeing world champs after busting so early didn't sit right with me at the time. Of course, this is stupid, but hey, anything worth doing is! (Isn't that the phrase?)
So we went to plan b. The Palms has a movie theater. Perfect. We look to see if anything good is out and realize Get Him to the Greek has just opened, the one movie that's come out in months that we thought looked good. Excellent. Go to a matinee and laugh forever. Terrific movie, especially if you liked Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We then went to dinner at Gaylord's, this strangely-named but fabulous Indian restaurant at Rio. Food is terrific. We split a really nice bottle of Riseling and the pairing works great. Not surprisingly for us old people, sleep follows soon thereafter.
The next day I had options. The Venetian, Caesar's Palace and the Golden Nugget were all having daily deep stack tournaments during WSOP. I end up going to the Nugget because it's $135 while Caesar's is $225 and Venetian $340. If I'm going to last 2-3 hours, I'd rather spend less I reason. Golden Nugget was nicer than expected. Tournaments are in a big convention center type room. The structure was good, starting 12k deep at 25/50.
This one goes better, but only marginally so. I'm dribbling chips gradually, just slower than the day before. It becomes obvious that the guy on my right is an experienced, tough player. He makes my life difficult because he's raising so much that I can't establish a rhythm of raising myself. I try to sneak in an under the gun steal w/AJs and he comes over the top without any thought. Later he raises right before me in middle position and I flat with AK. An aggressive young guy to my left 3bets and, once again without hesitation, the tough guy shoves over and he has us both covered. Great spot. I fold without much hesitation. The guy behind me is yet to act and I have about 8k at 75/150. This is not the time to take a stand. I think online it might have different, but live is certainly tighter.
A little later, at 100/200 he raises in early position to 600 or so. I see pocket queens and know I am raising. I bump it up to 1800 or so, it folds back to him and he calls. The flop comes jack high rag rainbow. He checks and I put in 3k or so which is half my stack or so after the preflop action. He immediately pushes in. Great, I think, I'm going to lose with QQ again. I'm probably against JJ or a smaller set. At this point though, I'm pot committed and have to go with it. He turns over QQ and I let out a deep sigh of relief. The dealer says "at least you didn't lose anything" and I think he misreads me, I'm glad I wasn't BEHIND.
Once again, I gradually chip down. It's tough to find spots with this guy and a few other aggressive players at the table. Finally, around 200/400, I pick up JJ in early/mid position and pop it up to 1200. After the raise my stack is down to about 8k. The young aggro guy in middle position thinks for a bit and then 3bets to 4000 or so. I've seen this guy fire three bullets on a paired board with an underpair so I know he's capable of making a move. Again, I feel pretty committed and am ready to flip if necessary.
To put this in perspective, I should explain that I was really hungry by this point and probably not thinking as well as I should have been. I hadn't really planned the day well. Tournament started at noon but there's zip for me to eat at a place like Golden Nugget, so I was eating protein bars, by 5pm or so I wasn't in the best shape.
Anyway, I shove, he calls with QQ and day 2 is over.
I'm annoyed about this happening 2 days in a row, plus it just happens to be about 105 in Vegas, so by the time I get back to Gold Coast I'm covered in sweat, starving, and still a bit grumpy. I remember that there's an asian place in our hotel that seemed to understand the gluten-free thing. The day before we had lunch there and talked to the manager who made sure nothing we had contained soy sauce. Great. I know they have a fried tofu appetizer, so I think perfect. I clarify with the guy that I'm allergic to soy sauce, wheat etc, he says it's just tofu fried in oil with garlic. Ok. I get it and eat five or six before I get enough blood back in my head to realize that this shit tastes way too good to not be breaded. Great. Now I'm glutened for three days or more. I don't react well to this information, but eventually I move on.
The good news about busting out early is that we can go see Don Rickles, who's playing at the Orleans. I'd been wanting to see Rickles for a few years, ever since I saw his documentary "Mr. Warmth" and I especially thought it would be cool to see him in Vegas, which seemed most appropriate. I also figured I'd better take whatever chance I could. He has to be 90 - it's amazing he's still performing! Obviously, I hadn't seen him before, but he was SHARP and absolutely hysterical. A performer in his opening act says that her parents are there for their 50th wedding anniversary. The parents had come to Vegas and seen Rickles on their first wedding anniversary in 1961. I shit you not. Crazy.
Anyway, we had a great dinner at Orleans at - a different asian place where our waiter knew all about the gluten thing and treated us great. Then Rickles was terrific. That's the trip report, not stop asking me.
:P
This particular trip was a mixed bag. The poker didn't go too well. At all. But, the wife came, and we managed to have a really fun time in Vegas anyhow.
We flew out late Thursday night. Stayed at Gold Coast, which is right across the street from the Rio where WSOP is - only cheaper than Rio, and, in my opinion, nicer. Rio is so overwhelming. Not the WSOP part of it, which is great, but the regular hotel with the flippin flying boat shit. Everytime the wife and I went to our room last year we had to walk through this, it was like Mardi Gras Uber Light now with Added Frat Guys. Loud, smokey and generally unpleasant once you are over 22. Also the beds sucked and the rooms weren't really anything special.
Anyway, Gold Coast was cool. I was playing in a $1,500 no limit WSOP event on Friday at noon, so went over to Rio, had a good breakfast and played a bit. Unfortunately, it was just one of those days where I wasn't getting cards and good situations at identical times, if that makes sense. I got whittled down from 5k to about 3500 by the end of the first two hours. Nothing special, won a few small pots, lost a couple of medium ones, but really not finding any spots.
I get back and the very first hand I look down and see pocket 7s. I'm in the cutoff and haven't seen a pair yet so this looks great. We're at 75/150, so I make it 450 to go. It folds around to the small blind who tanks for about a minute then puts me in. Well. I still have 3k and I don't think this is a great spot to get my money in. So I fold after pretending to think about it for about 30 seconds.
Two hands later, I look down and see Queens. A sight for sore eyes, indeed. So the exact same thing happens. I make it 450 and the guy now in the small blind 3bets to 2200 or so. At this point I've got about 2500 left so it's stack decision time. I really don't see how I can fold queens with so much in the middle and my current stack. So I call. I mean to put the rest in but call by mistake. The guy says "that's ok I'll just put the rest in in the dark," which is NOT what you want to hear. The flop came 10 high or something with rags and looked good. Of course he had KK and I didn't improve, tournament over. So that kinda sucked.
I was a bit dejected when I left. It's funny, I walked right by Scotty Nguyen taking a picture with some girls and then not twenty feet later saw Chris Ferguson hurridly go by me to wherever Chris Ferguson goes at a time like this, but I didn't feel excited just annoyed. Seeing world champs after busting so early didn't sit right with me at the time. Of course, this is stupid, but hey, anything worth doing is! (Isn't that the phrase?)
So we went to plan b. The Palms has a movie theater. Perfect. We look to see if anything good is out and realize Get Him to the Greek has just opened, the one movie that's come out in months that we thought looked good. Excellent. Go to a matinee and laugh forever. Terrific movie, especially if you liked Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We then went to dinner at Gaylord's, this strangely-named but fabulous Indian restaurant at Rio. Food is terrific. We split a really nice bottle of Riseling and the pairing works great. Not surprisingly for us old people, sleep follows soon thereafter.
The next day I had options. The Venetian, Caesar's Palace and the Golden Nugget were all having daily deep stack tournaments during WSOP. I end up going to the Nugget because it's $135 while Caesar's is $225 and Venetian $340. If I'm going to last 2-3 hours, I'd rather spend less I reason. Golden Nugget was nicer than expected. Tournaments are in a big convention center type room. The structure was good, starting 12k deep at 25/50.
This one goes better, but only marginally so. I'm dribbling chips gradually, just slower than the day before. It becomes obvious that the guy on my right is an experienced, tough player. He makes my life difficult because he's raising so much that I can't establish a rhythm of raising myself. I try to sneak in an under the gun steal w/AJs and he comes over the top without any thought. Later he raises right before me in middle position and I flat with AK. An aggressive young guy to my left 3bets and, once again without hesitation, the tough guy shoves over and he has us both covered. Great spot. I fold without much hesitation. The guy behind me is yet to act and I have about 8k at 75/150. This is not the time to take a stand. I think online it might have different, but live is certainly tighter.
A little later, at 100/200 he raises in early position to 600 or so. I see pocket queens and know I am raising. I bump it up to 1800 or so, it folds back to him and he calls. The flop comes jack high rag rainbow. He checks and I put in 3k or so which is half my stack or so after the preflop action. He immediately pushes in. Great, I think, I'm going to lose with QQ again. I'm probably against JJ or a smaller set. At this point though, I'm pot committed and have to go with it. He turns over QQ and I let out a deep sigh of relief. The dealer says "at least you didn't lose anything" and I think he misreads me, I'm glad I wasn't BEHIND.
Once again, I gradually chip down. It's tough to find spots with this guy and a few other aggressive players at the table. Finally, around 200/400, I pick up JJ in early/mid position and pop it up to 1200. After the raise my stack is down to about 8k. The young aggro guy in middle position thinks for a bit and then 3bets to 4000 or so. I've seen this guy fire three bullets on a paired board with an underpair so I know he's capable of making a move. Again, I feel pretty committed and am ready to flip if necessary.
To put this in perspective, I should explain that I was really hungry by this point and probably not thinking as well as I should have been. I hadn't really planned the day well. Tournament started at noon but there's zip for me to eat at a place like Golden Nugget, so I was eating protein bars, by 5pm or so I wasn't in the best shape.
Anyway, I shove, he calls with QQ and day 2 is over.
I'm annoyed about this happening 2 days in a row, plus it just happens to be about 105 in Vegas, so by the time I get back to Gold Coast I'm covered in sweat, starving, and still a bit grumpy. I remember that there's an asian place in our hotel that seemed to understand the gluten-free thing. The day before we had lunch there and talked to the manager who made sure nothing we had contained soy sauce. Great. I know they have a fried tofu appetizer, so I think perfect. I clarify with the guy that I'm allergic to soy sauce, wheat etc, he says it's just tofu fried in oil with garlic. Ok. I get it and eat five or six before I get enough blood back in my head to realize that this shit tastes way too good to not be breaded. Great. Now I'm glutened for three days or more. I don't react well to this information, but eventually I move on.
The good news about busting out early is that we can go see Don Rickles, who's playing at the Orleans. I'd been wanting to see Rickles for a few years, ever since I saw his documentary "Mr. Warmth" and I especially thought it would be cool to see him in Vegas, which seemed most appropriate. I also figured I'd better take whatever chance I could. He has to be 90 - it's amazing he's still performing! Obviously, I hadn't seen him before, but he was SHARP and absolutely hysterical. A performer in his opening act says that her parents are there for their 50th wedding anniversary. The parents had come to Vegas and seen Rickles on their first wedding anniversary in 1961. I shit you not. Crazy.
Anyway, we had a great dinner at Orleans at - a different asian place where our waiter knew all about the gluten thing and treated us great. Then Rickles was terrific. That's the trip report, not stop asking me.
:P
Friday, May 28, 2010
Prepping for Vegas & WSOP (yay)
Welp, WSOP is upon us again. Today is the official beginning. Like last year, I'm planning on playing in at least one event. This year it's another $1,500 no limit event, a 3-day event beginning next Friday, June 4 (Event #11). Hopefully, I'll play as well as I did last year. Better still, I hope I'll run better! (See last year's blog for my trip report).
This year, unlike last, I'm making a concerted effort to get into the Main Event. I've always put the idea off because I didn't feel ready to push through the qualifying rounds. This year I'm doing just that, and making progress, though I still don't have a seat. Lots of time, though.
To prepare for WSOP, I'm playing in a live tournament at the Bike tomorrow night. It's the main event of a little deep stack series that the Bike has had going this week. Just a $215 but starts w/25,000 chips and 50/100 blinds, so 250 blinds deep at least for the first half hour. Should be a blast.
Then, Sunday afternoon, I'm playing in a $700 qualifier on Stars for the Main Event.
Whew, no rest for the wicked! I'm glad it's a long weekend so I can spend Monday zzzzz....
Rob out
This year, unlike last, I'm making a concerted effort to get into the Main Event. I've always put the idea off because I didn't feel ready to push through the qualifying rounds. This year I'm doing just that, and making progress, though I still don't have a seat. Lots of time, though.
To prepare for WSOP, I'm playing in a live tournament at the Bike tomorrow night. It's the main event of a little deep stack series that the Bike has had going this week. Just a $215 but starts w/25,000 chips and 50/100 blinds, so 250 blinds deep at least for the first half hour. Should be a blast.
Then, Sunday afternoon, I'm playing in a $700 qualifier on Stars for the Main Event.
Whew, no rest for the wicked! I'm glad it's a long weekend so I can spend Monday zzzzz....
Rob out
Friday, May 21, 2010
My Daily Meditation
The biggest reason I haven't written since March 9 is that I was sick for about a month thereafter. Two sets of antibiotics didn't fix it. Neither did steroids, lots of sleep, or just about anything else. It eventually went away on its own, though I suspect it may have been allergy-related.
Although it was a rough time, my being sick ultimately did me a service, however.
Being sick disrupted my daily routine significantly. While before I'd been exercising 4 days a week before work and occasionally meditating, all that stopped. I stopped drinking caffeine entirely, also, as that made me feel much worse for some reason I have yet to determine. In short, my life and routine were turned upside-down.
At first, I thought this was wholly a bad thing. As it turns out, having separation from my routine gave me a perspective on it that was, at least for me, impossible while in the midst of it. I made certain resolutions.
First, I cut my coffee consumption in half. Understand, I love my coffee. I roast my own and thrive on the flavor it provides. I don't ever want to give it up. That said, my past habit of having a few cups in the morning and a few in the afternoon wasn't doing great things for my stomach. Now I have it in the morning and green tea, if necessary, around 2pm. I'm confident it's already improved my gut and my sleep patterns.
Second, and even more critical, I resolved that I would get serious about two of the most important activities in good health: exercise and meditation. Where before, I would exercise 4 times a week, usually Monday-Thursday- I'd slack off on the weekend and Friday, making excuses. I resolved that, from now on, I would exercise every single day and not accept my own excuses.
That was over a month ago. So far I've managed all but two days. With exercise, I have a little leeway, because there are going to be situations in which it's not practical (when traveling) or not necessarily wise (when sick or really really sleep-deprived). I've also increased the time that I exercise. As you can imagine, I feel fabulous.
I made the same resolution with meditation, but this one was ironclad. Even when I'm sick or tired, I can still meditate. I can even do it easily - and nearly anywhere - by putting my meditation on my Ipod and my phone. So far I haven't missed a day. It's only 20 minutes a day, but I honestly believe that it's the single best thing I've done for my health - well, ever, even including all of the above.
Here are the benefits I've experienced from daily meditation only 45 or so days in:
1) Daily distance from external stimuli.
I cannot fairly state how inundated we all are in modern society. I can only tell you that I wasn't consciously aware of the breadth of external input until I made myself pull the plug for twenty minutes a day. Now I have a guaranteed twenty minutes of silence daily. Getting unplugged from the stimuli grid has helped my mind relax, made me feel more creative, centered and in touch with both my body and deeper self. If I don't have a way to get this silence, I never give myself a chance to catch my breath, my thoughts spiral out of control, and before I know it, I've slept-walked through another day, month, year, with no real plan or control over my own destiny.
2) True rest.
Not even sleep gives you a real break from this stimuli, since dreaming can be as active as waking and the mind can race ever faster. How many times have you awoken in the midst of a dream and felt more tired for having slept? I'm not suggesting sleep isn't important - in fact, it's absolutely critical - but meditation gives you something that sleep doesn't. Perhaps more importantly, still, meditation augments and enhances sleep. This is because taking twenty minutes a day to calm your mind takes the pressure off your unconscious which does all the heavy lifting while asleep. Meditate and sleep better. Really.
Not only that, but conscious and intentional muscle relaxation relieves physical and mental stress in a real and dramatic fashion. Focus on the body is a prerequisite to deep relaxation, and meditation helps you focus, not just on the body, but in general, and in a more highly concentrated way than otherwise, at least for me.
3) Being awake.
Meditation doesn't just help you to sleep better, relieve stress, and detach from the madness of daily life - it also helps you significantly DURING daily life through practice of the skill of mindfulness.
Mindfulness is simply the idea of holding your attention on the present moment. Some people call this "being comfortable in your own skin," other people call this "being in the moment." It's a mistake to assume this is a philosophy that has to inform every waking moment, but the ability to focus on the present, turn off the thought bullet train and become embodied has numerous benefits. The most significant one for me is that I am able to catch myself getting upset or emotional many moments before it actually happens. I have an enhanced ability to prevent myself from losing control because I am more conscious of myself and of my mind. At the same time, mindfulness helps you become more aware of your body, and as a consequence, notice sooner when you are doing something harmful to it - whether it's something as simple as sitting in a bad posture, or as all-encompassing as a bad diet or sleep pattern.
All this from twenty minutes a day of effort.
Believe me, you CAN and SHOULD make time. It doesn't really matter that you choose a specific school of meditation, but rather that you find something that works for you and that you DO IT. Remember, daily commitments are easy when you are excited about them. Doing them when excited is barely significant. Doing them when you don't feel like doing them at all is when you WIN and is what progress is really all about.
I hope you give it a try.
Rob
Although it was a rough time, my being sick ultimately did me a service, however.
Being sick disrupted my daily routine significantly. While before I'd been exercising 4 days a week before work and occasionally meditating, all that stopped. I stopped drinking caffeine entirely, also, as that made me feel much worse for some reason I have yet to determine. In short, my life and routine were turned upside-down.
At first, I thought this was wholly a bad thing. As it turns out, having separation from my routine gave me a perspective on it that was, at least for me, impossible while in the midst of it. I made certain resolutions.
First, I cut my coffee consumption in half. Understand, I love my coffee. I roast my own and thrive on the flavor it provides. I don't ever want to give it up. That said, my past habit of having a few cups in the morning and a few in the afternoon wasn't doing great things for my stomach. Now I have it in the morning and green tea, if necessary, around 2pm. I'm confident it's already improved my gut and my sleep patterns.
Second, and even more critical, I resolved that I would get serious about two of the most important activities in good health: exercise and meditation. Where before, I would exercise 4 times a week, usually Monday-Thursday- I'd slack off on the weekend and Friday, making excuses. I resolved that, from now on, I would exercise every single day and not accept my own excuses.
That was over a month ago. So far I've managed all but two days. With exercise, I have a little leeway, because there are going to be situations in which it's not practical (when traveling) or not necessarily wise (when sick or really really sleep-deprived). I've also increased the time that I exercise. As you can imagine, I feel fabulous.
I made the same resolution with meditation, but this one was ironclad. Even when I'm sick or tired, I can still meditate. I can even do it easily - and nearly anywhere - by putting my meditation on my Ipod and my phone. So far I haven't missed a day. It's only 20 minutes a day, but I honestly believe that it's the single best thing I've done for my health - well, ever, even including all of the above.
Here are the benefits I've experienced from daily meditation only 45 or so days in:
1) Daily distance from external stimuli.
I cannot fairly state how inundated we all are in modern society. I can only tell you that I wasn't consciously aware of the breadth of external input until I made myself pull the plug for twenty minutes a day. Now I have a guaranteed twenty minutes of silence daily. Getting unplugged from the stimuli grid has helped my mind relax, made me feel more creative, centered and in touch with both my body and deeper self. If I don't have a way to get this silence, I never give myself a chance to catch my breath, my thoughts spiral out of control, and before I know it, I've slept-walked through another day, month, year, with no real plan or control over my own destiny.
2) True rest.
Not even sleep gives you a real break from this stimuli, since dreaming can be as active as waking and the mind can race ever faster. How many times have you awoken in the midst of a dream and felt more tired for having slept? I'm not suggesting sleep isn't important - in fact, it's absolutely critical - but meditation gives you something that sleep doesn't. Perhaps more importantly, still, meditation augments and enhances sleep. This is because taking twenty minutes a day to calm your mind takes the pressure off your unconscious which does all the heavy lifting while asleep. Meditate and sleep better. Really.
Not only that, but conscious and intentional muscle relaxation relieves physical and mental stress in a real and dramatic fashion. Focus on the body is a prerequisite to deep relaxation, and meditation helps you focus, not just on the body, but in general, and in a more highly concentrated way than otherwise, at least for me.
3) Being awake.
Meditation doesn't just help you to sleep better, relieve stress, and detach from the madness of daily life - it also helps you significantly DURING daily life through practice of the skill of mindfulness.
Mindfulness is simply the idea of holding your attention on the present moment. Some people call this "being comfortable in your own skin," other people call this "being in the moment." It's a mistake to assume this is a philosophy that has to inform every waking moment, but the ability to focus on the present, turn off the thought bullet train and become embodied has numerous benefits. The most significant one for me is that I am able to catch myself getting upset or emotional many moments before it actually happens. I have an enhanced ability to prevent myself from losing control because I am more conscious of myself and of my mind. At the same time, mindfulness helps you become more aware of your body, and as a consequence, notice sooner when you are doing something harmful to it - whether it's something as simple as sitting in a bad posture, or as all-encompassing as a bad diet or sleep pattern.
All this from twenty minutes a day of effort.
Believe me, you CAN and SHOULD make time. It doesn't really matter that you choose a specific school of meditation, but rather that you find something that works for you and that you DO IT. Remember, daily commitments are easy when you are excited about them. Doing them when excited is barely significant. Doing them when you don't feel like doing them at all is when you WIN and is what progress is really all about.
I hope you give it a try.
Rob
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
What do you call it when Apu from the Simpsons beats his wife?
Apbuse.
What do you call it when a Canadian man beats his wife?
Amoose.
What do you call it when the Kool Aid Man beats his wife?
Ajuice.
What do you call it when Kevin Bacon beats his wife?
Afootloose.
What do you call it when a massive, muscled football player beats his wife?
Domestic Violence! What's wrong with you, joking about wifebeating?
What do you call it when a Canadian man beats his wife?
Amoose.
What do you call it when the Kool Aid Man beats his wife?
Ajuice.
What do you call it when Kevin Bacon beats his wife?
Afootloose.
What do you call it when a massive, muscled football player beats his wife?
Domestic Violence! What's wrong with you, joking about wifebeating?
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
The Kissing Kitty Bandit
I have a cat who kisses like a person.
I'm not talking about a simple lip licking that looks like a kiss from the outside, though she does that too.
I'm talking full-on people kiss. Cock-your-head sideways, close your eyes, lean in and plant one directly on your lips kiss. I swear I am not making this up!
I have no idea how she learned to do this. I'm far from a lothario! I was single and dating a bit when I first got her, and I can only assume it has something to do with that. It's not like she was doing it the second I got her, she just started one day, and I have no idea why.
It turns out to be her idea of how to greet people now. She routinely tries to climb on strangers and plant one on their lips. It's tough to explain as you can imagine. I remember her climbing all over my friend Jimmy when I lived in Oakland and leaning in to his utter confusion.
So no matter what she does, even when she's bad, it's hard to get too mad at her, because she'll just walk up to you lean in and give you a peck while purring. Sometimes, if she's real excited, you'll get tongue too. Gross, but cute.
I've never seen another cat do this. My girl Rewind is certainly one-of-a-kind for a lot of reasons, but this is high on the list.
I'm not talking about a simple lip licking that looks like a kiss from the outside, though she does that too.
I'm talking full-on people kiss. Cock-your-head sideways, close your eyes, lean in and plant one directly on your lips kiss. I swear I am not making this up!
I have no idea how she learned to do this. I'm far from a lothario! I was single and dating a bit when I first got her, and I can only assume it has something to do with that. It's not like she was doing it the second I got her, she just started one day, and I have no idea why.
It turns out to be her idea of how to greet people now. She routinely tries to climb on strangers and plant one on their lips. It's tough to explain as you can imagine. I remember her climbing all over my friend Jimmy when I lived in Oakland and leaning in to his utter confusion.
So no matter what she does, even when she's bad, it's hard to get too mad at her, because she'll just walk up to you lean in and give you a peck while purring. Sometimes, if she's real excited, you'll get tongue too. Gross, but cute.
I've never seen another cat do this. My girl Rewind is certainly one-of-a-kind for a lot of reasons, but this is high on the list.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Why (500) Days of Summer is seriously overrated
OK, let me start out by saying that I really wanted to like this movie.
I hate romantic comedies. HATE them. My ex loved them and made me sit through some horrible horrible shit. By contrast, when I first saw a commercial for a romantic comedy with Janessa, and she said it looked awful and that she hated romantic comedies too, it was such a relief that I almost proposed on the spot.
So my initial reaction to this movie's commercials was, predictably, negative, even though it starred one of the hollywood stars I most want to make babies with. This fact alone wouldn't be close enough of a reason to see a flick anyway. Janessa joked that it would, but I pointed out that Zooey had been in the awful-looking "Yes Man" and I hadn't even joked about seeing it.
So why the change of heart? Well, I read lots of good reviews, heard good buzz, and regularly heard people insist that it was not a romantic comedy. So we figured, what the hell, maybe this will really be a decent film. And they were right - in part - it isn't a romantic comedy. It's about a relationship that doesn't work out. It also wasn't unwatchable by any means. The acting was good and the story was pretty interesting. Ironically, the fact that the movie had potential is what made its shortcomings so much more frustrating.
I'm not a movie reviewer, so I'm not going to spend time summarizing the plot. So...Spoiler Alert... you've been warned:
1. The (500) thing is a pretty reasonable idea. The movie timeshifts around showing scenes at different points in the leads' relationship, mainly for purposes of contrast. It does this fairly well, and it wasn't hard to follow. So points there. But I still have NO idea why the 500 is in parenthesis. No clue. It was never explained and I'm left with the impression that it's just a pretentious touch. This idea is reinforced by how many more pretentious touches are in this film.
2. Despite the fact that the main character was obsessed with Zooey (and I am too, so I can understand, to some extent) - the film's characterization of Zooey was vapid and minimal. We got little to no insight as to why she felt the way she did about either the main character or about relationships in general. One bar scene where she says she doesn't like relationships and likes to "be free" does not a character make. Given that the main character repeatedly insists that she is the love of his life, this lack of characterization is appalling and seriously hurts the film.
3. The lead is extremely self-centered. I suspect the lead is based on the author of the screenplay, because I didn't get even a hint of irony about his focus. One of the most egregious examples involves his job as a writer of greeting cards. This is a weird job for him to have for several reasons, but I'll get back to that. Suffice it to say, the lead has his moment where he realizes that his job is lame and that he should be doing something better with his life. This is fine, in principle. I doubt anyone dreams of growing up and writing greeting cards. But this revelation is not the problem, it's how he deals with it.
Instead of just putting in his notice, he makes a dramatic show of how horrible the job is in front of all of his co-workers. At a meeting he goes off on a huge rave about how meaningless the job is and why anyone who does it, is, basically, an idiot. This is an incredibly immature, selfish move, whether he's right or not. It's disrespectful to everyone else who works at this place and completely without justification. Now, if the author had intended to make this point about his protagonist, it would have been one thing, but I think it's pretty clear from the scene that the author is basically speaking as the character - that he probably had such a job but never said these types of things to his co workers.
I think this is especially likely because the lead in this movie is, inexplicably, supposed to be an architect. This thought is given little to no explanation other than a few shots of the guy sketching pictures of skyscrapers - something I wasn't aware architects were particularly none for. Obviously, the main character is based on the writer, who was working for a greeting card company so that he could eventually write more substantive material. That part makes sense. Why a putative architect, on the other hand, would seek employment as a writer, is not only illogical, but entirely unexplained.
4. Despite not technically being a "romantic comedy," the movie is trite and cliche about its ideas regarding love in the extreme. We are shown the main pussy - er character - as a child, watching presentations of idealized love and, presumably, believing them. I understand that little girls may buy this crap, but little boys? And even little girls eventually realize, well most of them, that the true-love-destiny-prince-princess tripe is purely a disney fantasy, at least by the time they are thirty. Not only does this guy seem to think this stuff is real (he even engages in a fanciful full production dance number when he finally gets with Zooey... a cute sequence, but pretty gimmicky, to say the least) but the author seems to agree. Which brings us to #5.
5. If this film had presented the main character as a clueless douchebag who ultimately changes and learns that women are people, not idealized fantasy creatures, and that destiny is a childish (and I suppose Calvinist) conception, I would have been able to excuse much of the above. The message could have been, hey, life isn't that simple, this chick wasn't for you, move on and try to start a mature relationship. I could have lived with that. Instead, the end is the biggest cop-out in the movie by far. I am not exaggerating when I say it made me want to wretch.
In the final scene of the film, the lead is seen waiting to enter an office for a job interview, presumably as an architect. Waiting with him in the lobby is Minka Kelly, the insanely hot Lyla Garrity from Friday Night Lights. Guess what, she has an interview too. Oops, they are in competition! At the last moment before going into the interview, lead boy nuts up and decides to ask Minka out. The last line in the movie is that her name is... wait for it... Autumn.
Wow. Can it get any more heavy handed then that? Was winter waiting outside to give him a blowjob? Was spring the person interviewing him? Autumn is the next phase in his life, I get it, but there are sooo many problems with this lame ending. First, who the hell names their kid Autumn? NOBODY. I halfway thought her last name was going to be "Equinox." Summer is a girl's name and I thought its use was reasonably clever, but Autumn is just a heavy-handed way for the author to smack you in the face with an unnatural, undeserved "happy ending."
What's worse, the ending implies that the author was right all along. True love is out there, it just wasn't with Zooey, but the very next girl, absolutely. The moral of the story? I have absolutely no idea. Serial monogamy is good? I'm clueless.
In the end this movie was even more disappointing than the lead guy's not finding love with Zooey. Self-absorbed cliched nonsense - a romantic comedy, in other words - pretending to be something more. To me, that's much worse than your latest Kate Hudson-Matthew McChesty vehicle. At least there, I know what I'm getting. In the immortal words of the late Judge Judy, don't piss on my leg and tell me that it's sprinkling...
I hate romantic comedies. HATE them. My ex loved them and made me sit through some horrible horrible shit. By contrast, when I first saw a commercial for a romantic comedy with Janessa, and she said it looked awful and that she hated romantic comedies too, it was such a relief that I almost proposed on the spot.
So my initial reaction to this movie's commercials was, predictably, negative, even though it starred one of the hollywood stars I most want to make babies with. This fact alone wouldn't be close enough of a reason to see a flick anyway. Janessa joked that it would, but I pointed out that Zooey had been in the awful-looking "Yes Man" and I hadn't even joked about seeing it.
So why the change of heart? Well, I read lots of good reviews, heard good buzz, and regularly heard people insist that it was not a romantic comedy. So we figured, what the hell, maybe this will really be a decent film. And they were right - in part - it isn't a romantic comedy. It's about a relationship that doesn't work out. It also wasn't unwatchable by any means. The acting was good and the story was pretty interesting. Ironically, the fact that the movie had potential is what made its shortcomings so much more frustrating.
I'm not a movie reviewer, so I'm not going to spend time summarizing the plot. So...Spoiler Alert... you've been warned:
1. The (500) thing is a pretty reasonable idea. The movie timeshifts around showing scenes at different points in the leads' relationship, mainly for purposes of contrast. It does this fairly well, and it wasn't hard to follow. So points there. But I still have NO idea why the 500 is in parenthesis. No clue. It was never explained and I'm left with the impression that it's just a pretentious touch. This idea is reinforced by how many more pretentious touches are in this film.
2. Despite the fact that the main character was obsessed with Zooey (and I am too, so I can understand, to some extent) - the film's characterization of Zooey was vapid and minimal. We got little to no insight as to why she felt the way she did about either the main character or about relationships in general. One bar scene where she says she doesn't like relationships and likes to "be free" does not a character make. Given that the main character repeatedly insists that she is the love of his life, this lack of characterization is appalling and seriously hurts the film.
3. The lead is extremely self-centered. I suspect the lead is based on the author of the screenplay, because I didn't get even a hint of irony about his focus. One of the most egregious examples involves his job as a writer of greeting cards. This is a weird job for him to have for several reasons, but I'll get back to that. Suffice it to say, the lead has his moment where he realizes that his job is lame and that he should be doing something better with his life. This is fine, in principle. I doubt anyone dreams of growing up and writing greeting cards. But this revelation is not the problem, it's how he deals with it.
Instead of just putting in his notice, he makes a dramatic show of how horrible the job is in front of all of his co-workers. At a meeting he goes off on a huge rave about how meaningless the job is and why anyone who does it, is, basically, an idiot. This is an incredibly immature, selfish move, whether he's right or not. It's disrespectful to everyone else who works at this place and completely without justification. Now, if the author had intended to make this point about his protagonist, it would have been one thing, but I think it's pretty clear from the scene that the author is basically speaking as the character - that he probably had such a job but never said these types of things to his co workers.
I think this is especially likely because the lead in this movie is, inexplicably, supposed to be an architect. This thought is given little to no explanation other than a few shots of the guy sketching pictures of skyscrapers - something I wasn't aware architects were particularly none for. Obviously, the main character is based on the writer, who was working for a greeting card company so that he could eventually write more substantive material. That part makes sense. Why a putative architect, on the other hand, would seek employment as a writer, is not only illogical, but entirely unexplained.
4. Despite not technically being a "romantic comedy," the movie is trite and cliche about its ideas regarding love in the extreme. We are shown the main pussy - er character - as a child, watching presentations of idealized love and, presumably, believing them. I understand that little girls may buy this crap, but little boys? And even little girls eventually realize, well most of them, that the true-love-destiny-prince-princess tripe is purely a disney fantasy, at least by the time they are thirty. Not only does this guy seem to think this stuff is real (he even engages in a fanciful full production dance number when he finally gets with Zooey... a cute sequence, but pretty gimmicky, to say the least) but the author seems to agree. Which brings us to #5.
5. If this film had presented the main character as a clueless douchebag who ultimately changes and learns that women are people, not idealized fantasy creatures, and that destiny is a childish (and I suppose Calvinist) conception, I would have been able to excuse much of the above. The message could have been, hey, life isn't that simple, this chick wasn't for you, move on and try to start a mature relationship. I could have lived with that. Instead, the end is the biggest cop-out in the movie by far. I am not exaggerating when I say it made me want to wretch.
In the final scene of the film, the lead is seen waiting to enter an office for a job interview, presumably as an architect. Waiting with him in the lobby is Minka Kelly, the insanely hot Lyla Garrity from Friday Night Lights. Guess what, she has an interview too. Oops, they are in competition! At the last moment before going into the interview, lead boy nuts up and decides to ask Minka out. The last line in the movie is that her name is... wait for it... Autumn.
Wow. Can it get any more heavy handed then that? Was winter waiting outside to give him a blowjob? Was spring the person interviewing him? Autumn is the next phase in his life, I get it, but there are sooo many problems with this lame ending. First, who the hell names their kid Autumn? NOBODY. I halfway thought her last name was going to be "Equinox." Summer is a girl's name and I thought its use was reasonably clever, but Autumn is just a heavy-handed way for the author to smack you in the face with an unnatural, undeserved "happy ending."
What's worse, the ending implies that the author was right all along. True love is out there, it just wasn't with Zooey, but the very next girl, absolutely. The moral of the story? I have absolutely no idea. Serial monogamy is good? I'm clueless.
In the end this movie was even more disappointing than the lead guy's not finding love with Zooey. Self-absorbed cliched nonsense - a romantic comedy, in other words - pretending to be something more. To me, that's much worse than your latest Kate Hudson-Matthew McChesty vehicle. At least there, I know what I'm getting. In the immortal words of the late Judge Judy, don't piss on my leg and tell me that it's sprinkling...
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