What do you call it when Apu from the Simpsons beats his wife?

Apbuse.

What do you call it when a Canadian man beats his wife?
Amoose.

What do you call it when the Kool Aid Man beats his wife?
Ajuice.

What do you call it when Kevin Bacon beats his wife?
Afootloose.

What do you call it when a massive, muscled football player beats his wife?

Domestic Violence! What's wrong with you, joking about wifebeating?

The Kissing Kitty Bandit

I have a cat who kisses like a person.

I'm not talking about a simple lip licking that looks like a kiss from the outside, though she does that too.

I'm talking full-on people kiss. Cock-your-head sideways, close your eyes, lean in and plant one directly on your lips kiss. I swear I am not making this up!

I have no idea how she learned to do this. I'm far from a lothario! I was single and dating a bit when I first got her, and I can only assume it has something to do with that. It's not like she was doing it the second I got her, she just started one day, and I have no idea why.

It turns out to be her idea of how to greet people now. She routinely tries to climb on strangers and plant one on their lips. It's tough to explain as you can imagine. I remember her climbing all over my friend Jimmy when I lived in Oakland and leaning in to his utter confusion.

So no matter what she does, even when she's bad, it's hard to get too mad at her, because she'll just walk up to you lean in and give you a peck while purring. Sometimes, if she's real excited, you'll get tongue too. Gross, but cute.

I've never seen another cat do this. My girl Rewind is certainly one-of-a-kind for a lot of reasons, but this is high on the list.