On the decaf brain

Well folks, I'm eight months deep in caffeine sobriety and doing surprisingly well.

I've long had a passion for coffee that lead me to roast my own beans and savor every cup with reverence and abandon. Consequently, I was devastated to hear my gastroenterologist say that I'd have to quit caffeine period back in June - due to extreme GERD.

At first - denial. I did entirely stop drinking coffee the middle of June last year. I switched to lower Caffiene content white tea, in an effort to convince myself that the tannins, rather than the caffeine, were primarily responsible for my stomach's souring. Sadly, I was wrong. I endured another month of gutpain before I finally took the plunge and dropped caffiene entirely. I had a trial a few weeks out and didn't need the tummy drama. I figured after the trial I would try again and hope my inflammed belly had cooled.

Well that trial got continued, and I was distressed to find out that two weeks were not nearly enough away from caffeine to handle it again. One cup of white tea made my stomach fire for two days. That, my friends, is a sensitive stomach. Slowly, I began to accept reality. My doctor suggested I might be able to have caffeine again in "2 or 3 years" and I began to mentally and emotionally adapt to circumstances.

Quitting caffeine itself was not the issue. I broke the addiction pretty easily - the pain was so great with it that any withdrawal seemed pale by comparison. And I had long thought that it was probably healthier to avoid caffeine. My problem was that I loved coffee and tea - the flavor and texture of them, the ritual in preparing them, the nerdy gathering of international coffees to compare and contrast their terroir and varietal. I can't even drink decaf coffee because, while the tanins are not the sole cause of my issues with coffee - they are still a cause. The same fact makes me drink red wine only scarely. (White wine, which fortunaetly for me, I like better, doesn't seem to be an issue, thankfully).

So you might say quitting was difficult for me. Indeed, I can't count the number of days I've thought to myself or aloud how much I wanted a cup of joe. That fragarent warmth coming off the cup and refreshing my mind and cleansing me of fog.

But what can I do? I really don't have a choice. As much as I love coffee, I love living and being healthy even more.

So I wearily accepted reality and hocked off 14 pounds of dry green coffee that I'd been holding in some vain hope of ever roasting them. I still have not given up the cause - I am keeping my Behmor Coffee Roaster, two Chemex brewers, and expensive bean grinder - in hopes that someday in the next few years I can use them once again. The coffee though was perishable, and I finally accepted that I wouldn't drink this particular batch.

This isn't to say my decaf brain is ALL bad. In fact, health wise it's quite good. I wake up with far more energy than before. I sleep deeper and feel more refreshed on waking. My stomach is of course happier - not just for want of acid but for my digestion. And perhaps best of all, my day does not contain as many highs and lows, but an evenness that helps me focus on the task at hand.

So I'm here to say, if you have to quit caffeine, and you don't want to - have hope. You can get through it, not just the short term but the long term. I doubt many people love coffee more than I do, but I'm through the other side.

Still, I hope you can keep drinking it.